Organize it yourself then...
I've been having a really hard time with life lately. It seems that this hard time doesn't want to go away. It may just all be in my head. But even so, I don't know how to make it go away. When I moved out here I was optimistic that I could just recreate what I had begun to form back home. And I was dead wrong. Maybe it's a country thing, a country mentality (is that such a thing?). But I have met so much resistance. I feel so barricaded in these wide open spaces. Unfree to be myself. I have begun to see a pattern of dissolving my emotions temporarily in fantasy by watching a lot of Netflix or Hulu. Aside from shows I also find myself daydreaming about what my life could be like. More and more I picture myself in a place surrounded by mosslie trees, tall forests, damp ground and earth in the air. I instead step outside into a sweltering wave of sand and dry grass with sulfuric undertones from nearby oilwells. I miss trees. I miss green. I miss grass. Even though I didn...